GISMOS_11 - That's some mean shit right there.

Well, we've made it to the snake eyes version of the Gismos. Miraculous really, considering all the jobs our staff has recently procured. Due to my recent acquisition of the Bubonic Plague and my microphone somehow also getting sick and choosing not to work our intro will be absent this episode. At the very least i can transcribe what i would have said and it goes something like this:

Here we go again friends in this episode 11 of the Gismos.

The recently released "Tom Clancys The Division" has your character answering a 'call to arms.' The takeaway is that your a specialized citizen- a firefighter, ex marine, medic, doctor or technician of some sort who has been chosen to....essentially become a remorseless killer.

How much longer can this hypocrisy of the 'hero' video game character droll on for? Is it heroic to round a street corner and open fucking fire at anyone wearing a hood? Who shoots first is ultimately irrelevant as the outcome is always the same. you live they die. Your characters typical blaz'e reaction to the whole thing is almost as bad as the act itself.

But its all justified isn't it? Your sent by...someone, to find the cause of the virus outbreak and bring a stop to those responsible without any attempt at conversation- just the old buck-em and scram tactic. Its amazing that the games involving murder simply run the motions
with absolutely no regard for your characters actions withing the narrative. Cuz everybody's a killer, so why bother explaining it?

I've just recently become hyper aware of the contradiction facing many games today- whos the bad guy here really? I just can't ignore it anymore. Many would argue that its just a game and shooting things is good enougt for them. But i say why settle for bare bones mindlessness? its time for games to grow up with the players.

P / H : PARAGRAPH & HAIKU

                                                                                                                If I could turn back time...

Very few of us have the time to play every video game we start all the way through to completion. It's just a fact of life, and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you will be at peace. This doesn’t necessarily mean these games are bad, or not worth playing, it just isn't in the cards at the time. We at Evade Gizmo are not immune to this phenomena, and want you to know that it's OK, it happens to everyone, including us.  We do, however, want to recognize the games that we have sunk some time into, anywhere from 2-20 hours. Think of this column as our version of a quick look. And of course as one would obviously expect, the best way to objectively express our feelings about a game we haven't taken the time to complete, is through the use of ninth century Japanese poetry.

Yoshi's Woolly World
Wii U

Hours played : 10

                                                         goddamn is this game bright.... you may need sunglasses if you are hung over

Yoshi's Woolly World is a vibrant, charming and polished 2-D platformer released last fall for the Wii U console. The latest in the series is evocative of a personal favorite of mine, Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island, and tends to succeed in hitting most of the same notes that game hit back in 1996. The main issue i have is that this game came out in 2015, and if it weren't for the updated art style and visual fidelity, you might think you were actually playing a Super Nintendo title from 1996. Yoshi shoots eggs, flutter jumps, pops question clouds to reveal hidden paths, and tongue fucks everything and anything in his path. Indeed the whole routine is back, but now in yarn form! There are 5 worlds to explore, each with 8 stages and plenty of bells and whistles to unlock, but ultimately the whole package feels underwhelming as a full blown $70 title in today’s market. If you are really hungry for a great side scroller on the Wii U, pick up Shovel Knight or Super Mario Maker instead for unmatched value and incredible developer support.

Design recycled
Yoshi Plods through the motions
The wool looks super

                                                     “Remember Alf (Yoshi)? hes back, in pog (woll) form!”

Facry Primal
X1/Ps4/PC

Hours played: 6

                                                            I found myself kneeling to pet my steel-eyed wolf friend after every encounter

By now most everyone has heard all about Farcry Primal, as the game has been scrutinized to death in the media over the last few weeks. Much of the reason for the exhuberent amount of coverage can be blamed on the slower game release schedule in January and February, as well as the multi-million dollar marketing push by publisher Ubisoft. However, a lot of the attention the game is receiving seems to be over the speculation that Primal started its life as a Blood dragon-esque add on for Farcy 4, and somehow evolved into a full priced retail product, leaving gamers to question the value in purchasing Primal at full price. On that note, I have little new or groundbreaking to offer, instead, I echo many of the statements already made about the latest Ubi open world romp; it's a solid game for those who yearn for more Farcry. Its brutal, visceral and finds some truly unique ways around the old guns and helicopters model of the last couple games (the beast mastery is easily my favorite addition). There is very little story to speak of, you will be seeking out and killing other humans using spears, arrows, and plenty of melee combat, which can feel jerky, imprecise and unsatisfying at times. The increased focus on hunting, gathering and crafting makes Primal feel more like a survival-lite game than a true story based open world experience that we would come to expect from a full-blown $70 Farcry title. Proceed with caution, and if your on the fence, maybe pick it up used in a few months, as I would expect a short single player campaign with no multiplayer will translate into a plethora of used copies at your local game shop. 

Explore the wild
Tame your inner animal
charge less for this game

A parody of a David Attenborough narration over the latest Far Cry game - Far Cry Primal. Clips: Far Cry Primal, David Attenborough Credit to Game Spots for Far Cry Primal gameplay footage

Life Is Strange
X1/PS4/PC

hours played: 3

                                                              And suddenly a picturesque picnic on the train tracks turned into a nightmare.... 

Every now and then when I play a video game, I catch myself in the moment and stop to think; why am I enjoying this? What is it about this that is appealing to me? That happened to me a couple times in the opening hours of life is strange, the story about Max, a young, gifted photography student trying to fit in after getting accepted to a prestigious art academy in the eerily named Arcadia Bay. Max finds its hard enough to fit in, but when she discovers she has the ability to manipulate time, things get understandably more complicated. Early on in the first episode, there was a sequence where I had to persuade the local group of 'mean girls' to vacate the front steps of our shared dorm (they wouldn't let me in, the bitches). After exploring and observing the details of the area, I fiddled around with a nearby custodians paint can and a set of automatic sprinklers, I hid nearby making sure I had a good view of the area and used my ability to rewind time. Success! The sprinklers expectantly went off on the janitor, who dropped the paint can, which splashed onto the rude girls dress. Eureka! As the Zelda chime went off in my head I strolled up smugly and pretended to be concerned for her, earning some brownie points with the cool group to be cashed in at a later date. The satisfaction set in and I couldn't help but grin sheepishly. I sort of felt like Agent 47... if he were an awkward teenage girl with the ability to rewind time and a penchant for photography. Which brings me back to my original point… why the hell am I enjoying this so much? I'm not exactly sure what it says about me, but the combination of lovely visuals, ultra cheesy dialogue and a budding sci-fi mystery to explore is enough to keep me coming back, at least for now. The game is worth checking out for fans of adventure games, and you should be able to get all 5 episodes packaged together on sale, I picked it up on the PSN store for $10. 

Clouds toil about
We dance in the storm of time
Bitches get dealt with

Thats all for now! Stay tuned for more masterful poetry and ultra-poignant commentary!

EG.

GISMOS_05 - H8TFL8, NX, THE STATE OF RTS AND GAME TRAILERS

This week we begin with a Hateful 8 non-spoilery discussion with some award show thoughts mixed in as well. Kevin holds his Nintendo allegience hostage. Pete wonders what happened to the RTS format and i question the art of the video game trailer.

We've been kicking around some ideas for a better and richer podcast that would involve a different kind of review format so hang in there. Also, trying not to sound like jackasses is pending further conversation. 

Gosmos_03 - 2016 BIG GAME HUNT

If you type 'videogames 2016' into Google what comes up is one anticipated title after another. All we see at Evade Gismo in place of said games are clocks. Big analogue motherfuckers; grand daddy hands ticking away. Sure they're magnificent and opulent. But would you put 20 of them in your bedroom at once?  It's a veritable nerdgasm of a life well wasted.

'Oh this time...this time, this years gonna be amazing...this could be the best year for games, like,  ever!" Says everybody at the beginning of every year since the 80's. If you shut your eyes and hope hard enough  and hold your breath long enough you might hear the flap or buzz of the videogame fairy next to your ear asking you about your game budget for the year. 

The lineup is promising. What will you be playing this year?

GISMOS EP-0

FUCKING FINALLY!!! The hard parts over, our podcast is up on iTunes and you can get it here. What an enormous pain in the ass it was getting it up and running. Now i understand those podcasts about podcasting. The technicalities of the software and marrying it all together made me feel like a disabled 5 year old attempting to assemble Ikea furniture, the word of note here being 'attempting.' A humbling and enlightening experience. But its done now so we can move on with our lives and concentrate on interesting stuff to deliberate.

Were calling this episode 0 in order to absolve ourselves of any responsibility. Now that we know whats - what we can start creating reasonably entertaining content and maybe get a second mic so we sound like we know what were talking about. We feel we can get the point across in shorter, more digestible pieces thus the 46 min run time so keeping it under an hour will be our goal. Unless you like listening to people talk about what they ate for lunch or why they called their cat marbles or whatever the hell people carry on about in a 3 1/2 hr podcast. Who has time for that?