I like to think I'm a reasonable person who has just experienced some very unreasonable things. Thank the good lord i was not out in public when this game ended, I probably would have had a full blown adult tantrum. I realize that this tirade is not going to be respectful or in any kind of good taste and I don't care.
I grew up with Metal Gear and have been a dedicated fan despite the numerous shortcomings of the series. I had a lot of fun playing MGS:V, everything was fine up until the end that is. Somehow all the sloppy supplemental dog shit of the series ended upright in my lap as I watched the credits roll yesterday.
The VENT is a special place. It will allow us to spew negative mental annotations off the record with no regard for any ones feelings. A huge portion of criticisms tend to be unconsciously edited; trading off a negative trait for a positive one. Well here its all con baby! Here we don't give a fuck.
What follows is a unabashedly annoyed gamers thoughts on MGS:V:
Fuck the repeat main missions. I can't be the only one amazed by this insulting mechanic. I didn't buy a game to play the same main missions including cut scenes 3 times over, and this happened with maybe 5 of the main missions, which, if my math serves creates at least 10 useless missions that I could have simply chosen to replay with a different approach. The side ops are even worse. Every time i rescued a prisoner it would just spam it again and add the same fucking mission back onto the god damn list of shit i had already completed with a check mark beside it. So fuck that. Also fuck that replay of the intro at the end of the game again. The fuck was that about!?
Fuck Konami for pulling funding on a triple a title mid development. Of course the root problem of most things is money and this Konami/ Kojima situation is no exception. What the fuck did you think was going to happen Konami?
"Kojima! You've gone over budget, and were really only into pachinko now and shit people can insert money into. So your done here. Unless we can find a way to insert money into your butthole and get a 200% cash return on the investment your finished here.We don't care if your games 'almost' done we'll make assloads of cash from the name alone not to mention the pre-orders and make sure all the reviews that come out will be 10's somehow. BWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."
- Everyone at Konami
Fuck anyone who thinks this game is a perfect 10. Also fuck numerical scores in general. Based on nothing really. But shit people like to see numbers instead of reading so let's just do that. Aren't reviews suppose to be a well rounded broad picture? Grading all aspects of a game experience? And if so how could you give an incomplete story 10? If the rest of the game was amazing, but the story is something a drunk handicapped parrot could have told you and you felt generous and gave it a 9. The average is NOT 10. So fuck those reviews. The more i think about it the more i think the parasite in the game activated when anyone installed MGS:V and caused them to only give perfect 10's.
Fuck the boss fights. Everyone knows metal gear bosses are awesome. Kojima really phoned it in this time. The man on fires weakness is.....wait for it....waaaait.....water!! Omg of course? And washe Volgin from Metal Gear 3? And was that baby psycho mantis? Guess we'll never know. How did they both work together? were they actual people or apparitions? The fucking skulls are stupid. They were not fun to encounter at all. Many of us had no idea how to deal with them. And who were they? If I knew what or who they were I might have been more invested in the mummers farce that was the 'battles'.Yes plural. You fight them many many times over. And what's with the unexplained woman skulls unit? And why the fuck were they still after me when Skull face died? And why didn't I get to fight skull face? I compulsively thought on Metal Gear 3 and how much fun all the boss fights were and how smart i felt after beating most of them. Especially The Sorrow. That game was, in my opinion, the pinnacle of the series.
Fuck Kojima for being a bad storyteller. I know the entire game is a kind of farce or goofy anime but come on dude. I feel like ive been trained to think being confused by a story is normal The joke i'm starting to understand now is that even with an incomplete mess of a plot MGS:V still ended about as well as all the others. He's clearly started eating crayons and throwing his sippy cup across the room when its empty, grow up dude.
Fuck Quiets character. A naked woman who doesn't talk!? That's dumb and juvenile, she could have been slightly more dressed which would have made me take her a bit more seriously but it's kind of hard to to learn about a character that says zero things. There were explanations about why she couldn't wear clothes...or talk. Something about speaking the English language would give her a virus and she absorbs shit through her skin instead of eating or whatever.
Fuck no David Hayter. He IS snake. Why would you spend way more money on an actor that has 5 pages of dialogue in an entire game that sounds like every other male character in the game? He must have cost millions of dollars to aquire, no wonder they went over budget. How many people bought the game because; Jack Bauer?
I'm running out of fucks to give here. Only a few left. So fuck the ending! As a gamer I don't care if your company shut down your product. You don't get a sympathy 10 from me because I know it was hard for you. Your grown ass men and you released a very incomplete game. So who was cypher exactly? Where did the metal gear go? Why was Huey such a fucking stupid bitch of a character? So I'm not me in the game? And no chapter 3? You know like every story ever has 3 parts. Konami's all like: 'nah bro. 1 big chapter and a second small one that makes zero sense is what we're about now.'
You know what, fuck me for writing this garbage. I guess I just boiled over after the game, no, the series ended on the worst note ever. In fact. I don't think I've been more annoyed with such an otherwise polished entertainment experience ever.
We encourage comments in the VENT. Insult something! it feels good.