THROWBACK THURSDAY: BIOSHOCK SERIES

There be spoilers ahead, lads. Many spoilers.

When I embarked on this full-series review, I didn’t want to get too caught up in the “best design” / “wackiest twist” / “worst characters” debates. I just wanted to play the series as a continuous whole, in quick succession, and see how everything fit together. However, my muse is a fickle bitch, with a very short attention span, and I failed to avoid picking favourites. Case in point: Bioshock 1 took me 11 hours to beat. I really like digging through nooks for loot and I sought out every little sister in each level. Bioshock 2 took me 13 hours to beat - I had the same habits for exploring corners and herding sisters - but funny enough, the 2-hour difference there is only due to replay time following spontaneous crashes + infrequent saving. Bioshock Infinite took me two hours to completely abandon. I might pick it up again someday, just to see if... nah, fuck it. I really didn't enjoy myself at all. And if you think I need to beat it to enjoy it, then, well, I suppose that's part of my problem with it.

The Bioshock series has a slough of really consistent themes: Waves of enemies, punctuated by climactic, juggernaut-centered brawls; fabulous southpaw superpowers; constant resource attrition; audio logs which pedantically, yet deliciously, build the world you’re exploring; radical governments of isolated super-societies, rotted to their core by dogma; bizarre distortions of the father-child relationship, simplified to the tracking down of lost ladies; meta-narrative revelations on the illusion of free will; the need to become one’s enemy in order to overcome him; and, of course, always, lighthouses. Never mind that there actually isn’t, always, a lighthouse -- just shut up, it sounds cool. I would say these themes are the main pillars of the series, as each game seems to manifest all of them, but in different ways.

In Bioshock 1, you are the child come to kill the father. You kill 2 of them, really, after wading through the honorary uncles and lackeys who knew them. It wouldn’t be hard for the player to imagine Jack to look like themselves - the thought experiment seems to be “This could be anyone” - so the significance of patricide feels more personal. Though father-killing cannot be avoided due to your character’s brainwashed history, child-killing can be avoided, should you choose, and this choice, though transparently binary, affects the future of the world. Rewriting your genetic code with the ADAM syringe is a traumatic and overwhelming experience, given due significance. But it’s not long before shooting up on gene-twisting plasma becomes routine, and you join the ranks of shock-and-flame-happy Splicers that stand in the way of your mission. Big Daddy fights are tense, furious affairs during the early game, but as you gain strength and understanding of their nature, their deaths become more tragic and pitiful.

NOTES

  • elegance in the interplay of gameplay and narrative; you are an accidental survivor in a dangerous world, yet mistaken as intruder/invader by the powers here. scrounging for food, killing on sight makes sense.

  • everything presented over the course of the game is a Chekov’s gun; everything has a reason for being as freaky-deaky as it is. Bioshock 1 is like… a terrarium narrative, completely self-contained. like a good argument, all of Bioshock’s science fiction narrative is VALID, SOUND, and exhaustive

  • you become a Big Daddy protecting the little girls -- you splice the same plasmids as the maniacal splicers -- you become the monsters you fight throughout the game.

  • however on this second playthrough, I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT KILLING Andrew Ryan at his own behest is not in the player’s control. I thought the whole point was the epiphany that everything you’ve willfully been doing in the game is mere puppetry through your psychological conditioning. At no point previously in the game has obeying commands been like watching a cutscene, so why here, now, at this crucial and significant reveal? it could be as simple as you cannot move -- try to move the camera away from Ryan and he shouts “WOULD YOU KINDLY LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND KILL ME, SLAVE!?” and even then… it should be the player who pulls the trigger. The game will still not advance until Ryan is dead, but putting that in the player’s hands is such a juicy narrative opportunity that I’m astonished it wasn’t included among all the other impressive risks taken in Bioshock’s story. Perhaps its determinism hard at work here?

  • for such a talkative game -- it’s possible to hear X lines of dialogue simultaneously: PA announcement; splicer banter; Little Sister banter; Tape Recording; Vending Machine; Record player -- the quality of dialogue is consistently extremely high. wonderful acting and writing. Everything is interesting to listen to, and well-performed; as quotable as anything from a Tarantino flick. The sound design is the real adhesive of this dystopia, giving the backdrop a tactile atmosphere.

In Bioshock 2, you are the father (and kind-of husband) of a shattered family. The game is careful to emphasize your masked appearance, allowing you to place yourself inside the Big Daddy suit. Bioshock 2 seems to recognize that rescuing little girls is really rewarding, and their gushing love and adulation really struck nerves in me. It also recognizes that choice was an exciting part of the first game. You can choose to spare multiple lives! Revolutionary! Leaping at deformed psychopaths, impaling them on a drill, then electrocuting and pistolwhipping them is really, REALLY fun. They’re monsters, you’re a monster, and most importantly, they’re after your little girl. Any extreme of violence would be justified to the distorted mind of a Big Daddy wouldn't it? Nimble Big Sisters are a terrifying leg up on BS1’s juggernauts, and even in this game, Big Daddies are non-threatening in comparison to the slender killing machines.

NOTES

  • Intro and title card have no impact. in Bioshock 1, we see the logo drenched in dripping seawater and the spiraling light source because that’s what’s happened to our character: the character and the player have been helplessly flung into the ocean, to find their only salvation in Rapture. Bioshock 2 lazily rehashes this introductory “splash” page without any of the narrative consistency, as you start the game already in Rapture. with this introduction, the game’s interest completely leans on your knowledge of the first game -- expansion pack sequel??

  • Graphics are way better! UI has been tightened up.

  • game crashed on PC within 16 minutes of first boot, during battle with big sister -- no autosave. Utter bullshit.

  • the political theme is brainier this time around, confronting the destructive extremes at which altruistic collectivism begins to resemble Andrew Ryan’s meritocratic utopia; the message seems to be “any philosophy of governance, taken to its extreme,will lead to anarchy.”

  • weapons and ammo types are inventive and amusing.

  • Most everything in narrative and gameplay is a refinement of the previous game with a few big exceptions. One being the non-optional bouts with the Big Sisters.

  • your relationship with the girls and their rescue becomes deeper, with more choices to make in dealing with them. I was impressed with how the game replicated in the player what happens to brainwashed, conditioned Big Daddies when they’re near Little Sisters. When a sick little girl tells you you’re the best daddy ever, after you’ve finished splattering her in the blood of the enemies who would take her from you -- you believe it. In Rapture, fatherhood is reduced to a chemically-dependent facsimile of love, what better emotional backdrop for the time-tested video-game reward cycle of slaying bad guys and rescuing princesses?

  • People say Bioshock 2 failed because it didn’t have the “shock” that the first had; but I was moved closer to tears by BS2’s surprise reveal than by anything else in the series. I won’t spoil it, but there is a change in perspective that adds a lot of weight to the events of BS1 and 2.

In Bioshock Infinite ( although most everything about the gameplay is linear and self-contained), you are trying to a rescue your sexy daughter from a time-shifted alternate dimension after selling her as a baby for gambling money, to another time-shifted alternate dimension version of yourself. I found it really difficult to put myself in Booker DeWitt’s shoes, even though he was probably market-tested to appeal to me, demographically. His name and backstory are too specific, too far apart from the setting of the game. And his constant muttering acts as stand-in for player cues: a chair unveils itself and Booker says, “Guess it’s time to go sit in the fucking chair now.” There is one person for you to save, and once you do, she completely takes care of herself - the game even tells you so. There is nothing to protect her from that is not resolved by a cutscene. You’re introduced to the beautiful and pristine world of Columbia in celebration, and yet as soon as the city’s dark secret is revealed, the killing begins and never seems to stop. Every cop knows your face; every cop has to die. The first bit of violence is in self defense, though any defense attorney who saw the corpse would emphatically disagree. This instantaneous descent into radical violence fell flat because I didn’t feel myself turn into a killing machine over the course of the game’s trials - which had been kind of a mainstay in the previous games. And your freedom of choice to prevent this violence is mocked. You choose a pendant for Elizabeth to wear. You’re told by a transdimensional telegram not to pick up a ball , and then pick up the ball anyway. None of this comes off as a serious meditation on the agency of the player, but rather some thematic window-dressing on an underwhelming story.

NOTES

  • though I hadn’t ever played it I came into this game with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. everything about it just suggests it doesn’t have that laborious attention to detail that makes Bioshock 1 so enthralling: the dude and princess on the cover; the fact that your character constantly chatters, throughout all the other wry chatter in the game; the beautiful, “living” city full of identical mimes and closed storefronts. People argue that it’s just as detailed, and yes, there are nooks & crannies full of coinpurses and lockpicks on each level. But with gene tonics and plasmids readily available, why hasn’t the city rapidly devolved into chaos? Isn’t that an interesting detail? Don’t you think a city ascended to the clouds to entertain constitutional literalness would have every single civilian armed with a gun? Shouldn’t the whole game have addressed the inherent flaws in each amendment of the US Constitution -- since the US Constitutition is presented as the theme?… anyway, disclaimer there.

  • Well through my first hour, I have no clue what the fuck is going on. Going to an island in sky city to get a girl to pay off a debt. What debt? What girl?? What the fuck is sky city??? Who brought me here???? I’m sure this all ties into the utterly brilliant reveal that nothing’s as it seems, that everything is a conspiracy you were in on all along, etc etc etc., typical of the series. But as an intro to a game it came off as jarring to me. In Bioshock 1, you’re gradually introduced to everything. You’re in an airplane; it crashes over the sea; you swim to a lighthouse, see a bit of freaky shit, and descend to Rapture, accompanied by a slow crawl of the city exterior, and a full explanation of what the fuck is up with this place. Then you pop up into the city, get attacked and rescued, and from there on, a friendly person contacts you by radio and guides you through the broken world. The game is extremely quiet through this early stage leading up to the Medical Pavilion, nudging one thing at you at a time. Acquiring Plasmids is a big deal that demands exposition. Encountering Splicers is a big deal that requires explanation. The game’s overall tone is melancholic, apologetic; weeping violins sing an apology that it has to be this way, that this had to happen to you, but that you’re gonna get out, somehow. The violence and pillaging is depicted as tragic and necessary, and somehow, this provides a strong narrative throughline to me, the human player behind the controller, which gives the game some kind of ethical relatability. You’re left wondering, “Am I gonna make it?”

  • In Bioshock Infinite, your character is going to the city to fuck shit up. And that you do. The game presents the city to the player as radical, unprecedented, astonishing. Yet the character, who intentionally came here on ridiculous, cryptic instructions, seems overall nonplussed. You’re on the sea; delivered to a lighthouse which shoots you into the sky because you rang bells; you wander through the town fair, robbing cash registers and collection plates for some reason, and generally enjoying the mirthful atmosphere of the fair; then, very suddenly, you are attacked by police for not being (or being) a racist, and quickly disembowel several of them with a buzzsaw-pistol called a SkyHook™. You walk into a nice scene, and promptly ruin it. Nothing is depicted as tragic or traumatic, because this whole city is populated by evil racists and deserves to be destroyed. Where Bioshock 1 is depicted as a desperate struggle for survival in a ruthlessly egocentric society, Bioshock Infinite positions you as the empowered rapist of a morally degraded community. I have played so many incredibly violent games, seen such indulgent gore in movies. But that first taste of violence in Bioshock Infinite’s happy-families fair scene -- you lose control of the game and watch yourself disintegrate a policeman’s face and brains for, really, no good reason -- had me screaming with horror and lurching in my chair. The game funnels you through more waves of murderous, sadistic policemen and you effortlessly slash them all to pieces in turn. I have not felt fucked up for killing videogame enemies in a long time, but I did in Bioshock Infinite. I was left wondering, “Is this supposed to feel good?”

  • Following the abrupt introduction to killing sprees, I swallowed it. I am a pacifist at heart, but I am a fucking psychopath when it comes to bullet-oriented virtual realities. Kill everything that moves. No problem. Not 10 minutes go by before I enter a room, and the game reminds me with a pop-up message: “There are some people it might be bad to kill.” Blood dripping from my hands, rabid froth at the corners of my mouth, my mind muddled by Infinite’s gore-frenzied tone, I growled “Fuck off!!” and headshotted the two civilians in front of me. The police aim to kill me on-sight already, so what does it matter?

  • So I’ve bought into it. About half-an-hour later, I’m on Comstock’s zeppelin, and I happen upon a side-room where a nun or something is praying at an altar. I fire most a clip at her head. All of them pass straight through her. She doesn’t even flinch at the noise. I enter a further room, and Comstock confronts me through the window on a small skiff. Then I turn around and the woman I just tried to kill sets the airship on fire. Seriously, fuck you, game. You gave me one way of interacting with the world, then made it impossible for me to benefit from it in order to walk me through some derivative fucking scripted event.

I should review this game next.

I should review this game next.

Bioshock Infinite is the Phantom Menace of Bioshock games, at once beholden to honour what came before, yet diffuse and desperate to tell its own snowflakey story. It looks shinier, but feels duller; it’s a prequel, jamming itself chronologically ahead of its predecessors and forcing connections to the originals where they were never intended to be; it blows too much hot air, which is a doozy in a series that lectures you with exposition; it indulges in nostalgic callbacks whenever there’s nothing else interesting to do (Lighthouses! Plasmids! Tatooine! Lightsabers - Lots and Lots of Lightsabers!); and diverse new characters are thrown in to broaden appeal without really considering the relevant social issues (Phantom Menace’s and BSI’s depictions of slavery are among the strangest and most insensitive I’ve ever seen). The similarities should come as no surprise. Both prequels were made on inflated budgets and expectations for mass appeal. And both seem to have fallen under the shadow of unquestioned auteurship. Ken Levine and George Lucas are “Ideas Men” -- and it seems well-established that the Star Wars prequel trilogies spiraled out of control without the editorial guiding hands of people like Marcia Lucas to counteract throngs of yes-men. BSI has that feel as well - the feel that some mitigating creative force has been muted, eclipsed, and the mad captain at the helm has steered the ship neither port nor starboard but -- *Ken Levine looks back over his shoulder and says, “Ready for this, guys!?”* -- STRAIGHT UP! INTO THE SKIES!

THE VENT: NINTENDO NX 900P? EXCUSE ME?

nintendo game over.jpg

 

The VENT is a special place. It will allow us to spew negative mental annotations off the record with no regard for any ones feelings. A huge portion of criticisms tend to be unconsciously edited; trading off a negative trait for a positive one. Here it's more of an unapologetic rant.  Sometimes ranting is good for the soul; issues you may have difficulty shedding can sometimes be shrugged to the floor with a proper vent. So that you may then focus and articulate your creative energy in a more constructive manner.

 What follows is a passionate gamers untamed perspective on some recent Nintendo NX news. Lets welcome Kevin McKenzie to the EG conversation!

 Buck up, stud.

 Buck up, stud.

Anyone following gaming blogs on the regular have heard this by now. For all you weekend warrior gamers with any mild curiosity; what I'm about to say shouldn't surprise you. That being said be advised and brace yourself: some speculative news about Nintendo NX has come to light, and to my complete lack of surprise, some of it is rubbing members of the video gaming world the wrong way. Much like the reaction you would expect by petting your cat from tail to head,  The Nintendo community is currently fidgety and wide-eyed with their claws out, quite uncertain as to what to do next.

 Perhaps a brief back story is in order; Nintendo has had a pretty lackluster couple of years financially. The Wii U is all but considered a failure, selling less than 12 million units worldwide since launching in 2012.  While perhaps this isn't a 'Virtual Boy' level travesty,  I cant imagine that Nintendo is passing out cigars every time the sales reports come in.  The 3ds, while certainly no slouch in sales figures, also failed to achieve the targets put in place by predecessors such as the Nintendo DS, GBA and the beloved original dot matrix wonder, the Game Boy. The current 'Nintendo Network' used for connecting players on both consoles draws the ire of gamers for not being user friendly or stable. Software releases for both systems have been few and far between, and with the exception of Super Mario Maker, the titles being released recently have not lived up to the level of quality that a longtime Nintendo fan would and should expect. With the future game release lineup looking as lean as a skinless chicken breast for both the Wii U and the 3ds, Nintendo is understandably starting to look towards the future.

But there's one big problem with that, we are still smack dab in the middle of the Wii U life cycle... aren't we?

Perhaps, as some have speculated, we are closer to the end of the Wii U's life cycle than most of us had hoped. It seems that Nintendo has sent out a survey with some information about their next generation console (codenamed NX) to a number of clients. One such client decided he was going to out the big N and post some delicate information contained in the survey on social media, which was then picked up by Geek.com and a number of game news outlets. This information should be taken with a spoonful of salt as all rumor should, at this time no actual official announcements have been made about the configuration or specs of the NX console.  However, there are a few very interesting details contained within.

                            Nintendo has been doing some flip-flopping as of late...

                            Nintendo has been doing some flip-flopping as of late...

 

The leak states some obvious information: games like Mario, Zelda & the Donkey Kong franchises will continue to exist(!!!), but it also includes some juicy morsels of news for the internet to feast upon and regurgitate or digest as desired.  One of the major takeaways,  it would appear, is that they are sticking with a similar set up to the Wii U, as “gameplay flows between Nintendo NX console and Nintendo NX hand held device." Previously patent information had leaked suggesting this kind of streaming, but utilizing a newer,  fully portable hand held device extending the streaming range, perhaps over WIFI or 4g. Much like a JJ Abrams reboot, the news is somewhat expected, definitely intriguing,  but not all together earth shattering.

Then there is a section of the survey detailing 'what comes in the box'; contained within is a Nintendo NX console, Game controller, HDMI cable and sensor bar.  First it's interesting to note that the “NX handheld device” is presumably not included in the box, unless they are referring to it as the 'game controller' which is unlikely.  Perhaps we are looking at a segmented purchase for those consumers who wish to take their NX gaming on the go, and if that's so, that could be a big gamble for those of us who expect a complete experience from a new console without having to make additional purchases.  After all, this is a video game console, not an ever expanding set of Lego.   The other interesting part of this section of the survey, was the sensor bar being included in the box. Like waggle gaming? GOOD! Because there is so much more of it heading your way! This does stick out to me as a potential red herring however; why on gods green earth would they need to include a sensor bar with the console? Playstation 4 and Smart Tvs have been utilizing motion controls without the need for external sensor bars of any kind, and they work very well.  I am by no means against motion controls in gaming, but it concerns me that Nintendo may not be willing to take some of the technological leaps to improve user experience that have become common place with their competitors.

 Those who have been following Nintendo over the course of the last 10 years may see a trend, and even start to wonder if Nintendo is purposely under powering their consoles to make a profit off of the machine itself at launch time, rather than recouping minimal console profits through software and long term usage, as is the industry standard.  

On that note, enough of the appetizers, on to the main course of this leak: “Gameplay graphics at 900p / 60fps”. 

 

"Excuse me?..."

 

"Pardon?..."

 

I like 60 fps but what was that first part again?

 Ohhhh. 900p. I see.

While I do applaud the decision to enforce a 60fps frame rate on titles, giving the impression that the new box will not support full 1080p gaming could be the most telling thing about the whole show.  Are they perhaps under powering the console so that the portable unit will be able to play all the games while not connected to the base unit?  Or is it a case of “HD doesn't matter” as it was with the Wii? Could simply be a fundamental misunderstanding of just how many HD television sets are in households today? What do people in Japan use to watch all those wacky game shows????

Things were looking SO positive for nintendo just 5 short years ago.... whats Next?

Things were looking SO positive for nintendo just 5 short years ago.... whats Next?

Noticing a pattern here!?

Noticing a pattern here!?

 

What I speculatively take away from this is that Nintendo is putting out a system of equal or lesser power to its current competitors, 2 years into their life cycles. 2 YEARS!  This can even be seen as a downgrade from the Wii U, which offers game play in full 1080p.  How will this new console fare 3 years from now when its competitors are gearing up for their next generation? Will Nintendo be announcing the successor to the NX in 2019 because its not able to keep up with the competitors? Will Nintendo have to restructure into a software based company and abandon all of us who grew up on the NES much like Sega did in the early 2000's???? QUICK, LETS ALL PANIC!!! (Ok, deep breaths Kevin, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.)

Graphic capability isn't everything – but as we've all seen with Nintendos recent track record – powering your system appropriately ties in directly with the potential for console longevity.  There are many other questions to be answered, such as how they are going to get 3rd party developers interested in creating for their platforms again, what the price point will be, and does Nintendo have a legacy plan for those who purchased a Wii U to make up for the systems abnormally short life cycle?

The leak in full . The user cropped the picture as to not reveal any personal information.... Likely the doings of Gannondorf,  Wario or perhaps even the king of the koopas himself, lord Bowzer?? Ill shut up.

The leak in full . The user cropped the picture as to not reveal any personal information.... Likely the doings of Gannondorf,  Wario or perhaps even the king of the koopas himself, lord Bowzer?? Ill shut up.

 We are just going to have to wait and see. There is one positive I take out of this; The console is likely not yet finalized as they are still asking for consumer opinion on it.  This is the perfect time to tell Nintendo exactly what you want- or don't want from their next generation of hardware. Tweet them, write them, post on Reddit, text Reggie or snapchat with Miyamoto san, do whatever you have to do and make sure your opinion is voiced.  If this project turns out to be a misstep, it could be their last.

Even the greatest visionary can require guidance.

I believe in you Nintendo. Just not at 900p.

 - Kevin McKenzie

 

 

THE VENT: METAL GEAR SOLID V STANKS!

I like to think I'm a reasonable person who has just experienced some very unreasonable things. Thank the good lord i was not out in public when this game ended,  I probably would have had a full blown adult tantrum. I realize that this tirade is not going to be respectful or in any kind of good taste and I don't care.

I grew up with Metal Gear and have been a dedicated fan despite the numerous shortcomings of the series. I had a lot of fun playing MGS:V, everything was fine up until the end that is. Somehow all the sloppy supplemental dog shit of the series ended upright in my lap as I watched the credits roll yesterday.

The VENT is a special place. It will allow us to spew negative mental annotations off the record with no regard for any ones feelings. A huge portion of criticisms tend to be unconsciously edited; trading off a negative trait for a positive one. Well here its all con baby! Here we don't give a fuck. 
What follows is a unabashedly annoyed gamers thoughts on MGS:V:

Fuck the repeat main missions. I can't be  the only one amazed by this insulting mechanic. I didn't buy a game to play the same main missions including cut scenes 3 times over, and this happened with maybe 5 of the main missions, which, if my math serves creates at least 10 useless missions that I could have simply chosen to replay with a different approach. The side ops are even worse. Every time i rescued a prisoner it would just spam it again and add the same fucking mission back onto the god damn list of shit i had already completed with a check mark beside it. So fuck that. Also fuck that replay of the intro at the end of the game again. The fuck was that about!?


Fuck Konami for pulling funding on a triple a title mid development. Of course the root problem of most things is money and this Konami/ Kojima situation is no exception. What the fuck did you think was going to happen Konami?

"Kojima! You've gone over budget, and were really only into pachinko now and shit people can insert money into. So your done here. Unless we can find a way to insert money into your butthole and get a 200% cash return on the investment your finished here.We don't care if your games 'almost' done we'll make assloads of cash from the name alone not to mention the pre-orders and make sure all the reviews that come out will be 10's somehow. BWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

                                                                                                                                - Everyone at Konami

Fuck anyone who thinks this game is a perfect 10. Also fuck numerical scores in general. Based on nothing really. But shit people like to see numbers instead of reading so let's just do that. Aren't reviews suppose to be a well rounded broad picture? Grading all aspects of a game experience? And if so how could you give an incomplete story 10? If the rest of the game was amazing,  but the story is something a drunk handicapped parrot could have told you and you felt generous and gave it a 9. The average is NOT 10. So fuck those reviews. The more i think about it the more i think the parasite in the game activated when anyone installed MGS:V and caused them to only give perfect 10's.

Fuck the boss fights. Everyone knows metal gear bosses are awesome. Kojima really phoned it in this time. The man on fires weakness is.....wait for it....waaaait.....water!! Omg of course? And washe Volgin from Metal Gear 3?  And was that baby psycho mantis? Guess we'll never know. How did they both work together? were they actual people or apparitions?  The fucking skulls are stupid. They were not fun to encounter at all.  Many of us had no idea how to deal with them. And who were they? If I knew what or who they were I might have been more invested in the mummers farce that was the 'battles'.Yes plural. You fight them many many times over. And what's with the unexplained woman skulls unit? And why the fuck were they still after me when Skull face died? And why didn't I get to fight skull face? I compulsively thought on Metal Gear 3 and how much fun all the boss fights were and how smart i felt after beating most of them. Especially The Sorrow. That game was, in my opinion, the pinnacle of the series.



Fuck Kojima for being a bad storyteller. I know the entire game is a kind of farce or goofy anime but come on dude. I feel like ive been trained to think being confused by a story is normal The joke i'm starting to understand now is that even with an incomplete mess of a plot MGS:V  still ended about as well as all the others. He's clearly started eating crayons and throwing his sippy cup across the room when its empty, grow up dude.

Fuck Quiets character. A naked woman who doesn't talk!? That's dumb and juvenile, she could have been slightly more dressed which would have made me take her a bit more seriously but it's kind of hard to to learn about a character that says zero things. There were explanations about why she couldn't wear clothes...or talk. Something about speaking the English language would give her a virus and she absorbs shit through her skin instead of eating or whatever.  


Fuck no David Hayter. He IS snake. Why would you spend way more money on an actor that has 5 pages of dialogue in an entire game that sounds like every other male character in the game? He must have cost millions of dollars to aquire, no wonder they went over budget. How many people bought the game because; Jack Bauer?

I'm running out of fucks to give here. Only a few left. So fuck the ending! As a gamer I don't care if your company shut down your product. You don't get a sympathy 10 from me because I know it was hard for you. Your grown ass men and you released a very incomplete game. So who was cypher exactly? Where did the metal gear go? Why was Huey such a fucking stupid bitch of a character? So I'm not me in the game? And no chapter 3? You know like every story ever has 3 parts. Konami's all like: 'nah bro. 1 big chapter and a second small one that makes zero sense is what we're about now.'

You know what, fuck me for writing this garbage. I guess I just boiled over after the game, no, the series ended on the worst note ever. In fact. I don't think I've been more annoyed with such an otherwise polished entertainment experience ever.

We encourage comments in the VENT. Insult something! it feels good.