A DEFINITION OF INSANITY. AN INTERVIEW WITH THE CREATORS OF DARKEST DUNGEON

Once upon a time, a young man heeded a call to work beyond the Arctic Circle. A diamond mine there was; in need of the talents of a Level 17 Medic, such as our hero. He took stock of his provisions twice over, for this land was known to be a trying one. Winter still gripped the tundra, and her cruel fingers reached up through rock and ice to wither the very spirit of the young adventurer. Perhaps a worse fate than the stilling chill of death would be the insanity which snaps ever at the heels of the isolated. The trucks needed help to to remain running, you see... It was 45 below and our man was working from the vehicle all night. He plugged in his computer with jumper cables direct from the battery. This battery he knew was his lifeline. If the battery failed - all was lost. Every few hours, this man, grimly stalwart, would beat the ice from the windows, or pour hot coffee on the jumper cables to keep them from freezing. He sought the cold LCD hearth of his gaming rig as his only company, and was prepared to brave the very worst to do so. But this man was as tenacious as a 4-week, 12-hour night shift demanded.

Time was a precious gift, and though faced with adversity, he had time in abundance. And so, our man dodged insanity in reality, by hunting it down in the DARKEST DUNGEON. Alone in the frozen wasteland the company of the insane Heroes of the Darkest Dungeon were his only solace. The anger he felt after retreating  a quest or loosing a prized Vestal was the only thing keeping him warm those 4 weeks. But he kept vigilant, constantly pushing and pulling equally, slowly growing as mad as virtual adventurers he controlled. “This game is good”…he muttered to himself, as his laptop monitor flickered from the cold. He slapped it  in protest and the screen righted itself….”really good.”

The man thought. “What about this game  keeps me coming back for more!? … I must know!!” He resolved to himself alone. “I’ll talk to Chris Bourassa, he’ll know more. He practically lives in the dungeons. Who better to ask than a master?”

 

What games are the staff at Red Hook playing lately? Did you all know each other prior to starting up the company?

We knew each other in different capacities – I knew Brooks and Tyler, Tyler knew Keir, etc.  Taking the startup plunge is a risk-filled endeavor, so It was important that we work with people we knew and trusted.  As for what we're playing, I don't think any of us have much time right now to play anything!  Looking forward to shipping Darkest Dungeon, so I can go back and see what I've missed!

 

Who's that narrator? He has this abrupt, short way of speaking that just fits perfectly. How important was it to get the right voice and how long did you need to search for? 

 His name is Wayne June – he's a professional audiobook narrator.  We reached out to him because we were fans of his stuff, and felt like he'd be a perfect fit.  He came on board right away, so we didn't even consider an alternative!

 

The writing is exceptionally well done. The words are so rich and apt; you've managed to flesh out an entire world with very little dialogue. Who is this writer, and what has been

Narration writing is handled by myself (Chris) and Tyler.  Character barks have been written predominantly by contractors, but I edit their work to make sure it fits with the tone of the game.  It's great fun to work on the cinematics and boss stories.  Our game is very lore-light, so it's interesting to walk the line of explaining enough to ground the play experience, but not so much that we lose the 'twilight-zone' vagueries that are so important to the tone.

 

When you released the game early access was that motivated by the richly developed aesthetics of the game. Or was the art style and audio your starting point? The game doesn't look early access.

 I knew very early on the kind of style the game needed, and I'm glad it seems to be working for people.  Our philosophy heading into early access was to bring something solid, playable, reasonably polished, lacking more in content than usability.  Along with the art style, this approach helped us to stand out in a time where the Early Access model was being decried as 'dead'.

 

There's a constant tone of urgency throughout the game. Every battle is a grind. How did you manage to achieve this and what design challenges ended up being most tenacious for you?

 Everything about the game is meant to be a trade-off.  There are no clear paths to victory, and nothing is ever entirely without cost.  In some ways we mirrored the experience of starting a studio:  making decisions with imperfect information in a high risk environment.  We have no shortages of design challenges, but also no shortage of ideas of features we'd like to implement.  The trick is picking only what you have time to do, and focusing your efforts in service of the game's core.

 

There's no difficulty settings. How does the Red Hook staff feel about difficulty settings in games?

We aren't planning on adding global difficulty settings – you can scale the difficulty of the experience yourself by choosing your missions and managing your light level in the dungeon.  We have always felt that the game should be a singular experience, and that being able to beat it on an easier setting erodes the accomplishment of beating it at its intended difficulty level.

 

You chose to release 'Darkest Dungeon' as an early Access release. After a few bad experiences i promised myself i would never participate again, then YOUR game came along. What has been your experience from a developers perspective on choosing Early Access? add to aesthetic question.

 Early Access has enabled us to generate some revenue, and position us to make the best game we can.  We wanted to have a strong value proposition for players – essentially offer an early access game that was 'worth it'.  With a small team however, it is extremely taxing to try and keep on top of all the social media & community management.

 

How has Red Hook been taking advice/criticisms from the forums? What major problems have you solved with help from the early Access community? 

 Certainly!  By bringing a very playable game to Early Access, it has allowed the feedback to focus around balancing, tuning, and quality of life features that are important to our players, rather than big crashes and obstructive bugs.  Things like roster and trinket sorting, quest tracking on the provision screen came from the community.  In addition, the ongoing balancing work is informed by players' responses.

 

Whats the competition like as an indie developer?

 It's less about competition and more about collaboration!  We've been helped by a number of great indie developers – Klei, Brace Youself, Slick.  There's a great spirit of support and cooperation in the Vancouver Indie community, and we're grateful to be a part of it.  Even exhibiting at PAX last year in the Indie MegaBooth, we found other developers to be open, honest and willing to share their experiences candidly.  It's a wonderful thing.  Perhaps because our price points are so much lower that bigger games, we aren't under the same pressure to compete.  For the cost of a AAA release, you could get anywhere from 3-6 really solid indie experiences...

 

The game has become a lot harder since the last patch somehow!? I'm having difficulty getting back into the game, some major tweaks to the combat have been made. Any pointers?

 We were getting consistent feedback that the game was too easy, especially in later levels.  Once players learned how the game worked, it wasn't providing enough of a challenge.  Now, the pendulum may have swung too far with our last update – we added Protection to many monsters, introduced a corpse mechanic, and generally nerfed heroes' crit % down.  This back and forth is important, however.  If we know we've gone too far, then we know the sweet spot is somewhere in the middle.  Incremental changes don't provide the same bookending.  As far as tips go, I'd say quit doing dark runs for a while, until you develop a reliable response to the new mechanics :)

 

When will the final version be ready? Or when do you EXPECT to have the games final release?

 We are aiming for the end of October to ship the game.  In the event that becomes unrealistic, we're certainly committed to this calendar year, come hell or high water.

 

When the day did come to say goodbye to the great white north the man did daydream of the best trinkets to use and thoughtfully regretted the confidence in which he had venturing into the Warrens and how it cost him his most beloved Hero. The challenges only fueling his desire to conquer the Darkest Dungeon. But alas, he would have to wait until the game's final release. Maybe have a drink at the bar until then, or a brief stint in the sanitarium or perhaps a vigorous prayer session at the church. Regardless, the man's anticipation grew with each day, and until its complete release he would never be satisfied.

'Darkest Dungeon' is available on 'Steam Early Access' for $19.99. Or through there website here. If you haven't played it then what the hell are you doing here!? It's a great challenge and made with the love and determination of a small few developers. Evade Gismo would like to thank Chris Bourassa for  donating your time to our fledgling Blog and congratulations on a wonderful, almost finished game. It was worth the risk; truly. 






TREASURE HUNT! WHO'S WITH ME?

Forrest Fenns Treasure chest before he hid it in 2010. $25K for the chest alone!

Forrest Fenns Treasure chest before he hid it in 2010. $25K for the chest alone!

Of course X never, ever marks the spot and most hunting takes place in the library if my Indiand Jones quotes serve me well. But golly-geewiz!  This is an enticing adventure! I'm a sucker for a good mystery and this one is of the highest caliber. Believe it or not an interesting and accomplished old man hid a treasure chest in the Rocky Mountains somewhere and wrote an ambiguous poem which, if interpreted 'correctly' should lead the hunter to the cache. He posted it on his blog and printed it in his memoir. So its public domain and has many people around North America dedicating themselves to X. Just reading the banter between treasure enthusiasts and theories to where the stash may be is immensely entertaining. It's hard not to become engrossed in the mystery or at least be mildly tickled by the intrigue. Have a read its a great story at the very least.

Oh and one last thought. Why hasn't anyone made a treasure hunting game? I mean we've all found  'booty' of at the very least 'loot' in many games, but i have yet to see an actual dedicated treasure hunting game. Where you have to research, decipher maps and brave the wilderness. I guess Tomb Raider was close but i'm thinking something less about killing people. Just an idea.

http://dalneitzel.com/

CONFESSIONS OF A TERRIBLE GAMER

Guest post by Rob Fernuk...definitely not Tristan Mowat!


I have to be completely honest - I am a terrible gamer. So why would this fledgeling gaming blog let me write an article for them? Because I suspect there are lot of you, like me, out there.

I grew up a child of the 80s. My first console was a Nintendo, but I also played Atari games at a friend’s house. A neighbour who must have been into computers let us play some of the earliest computer games in his bungalow. I remember him as an Asian man with an impressive beer belly who wore stained wife-beaters and always looked like he just woke up. He paid me to mow his lawn once a week, after which I experienced Pong and Space Invaders while they were still pretty new. Asteroids and Tetris might have been in the mix too, but my memories are fuzzy on the details now - which games were on which gear and when, I no longer know.

But Mario, he was my dude. I had a birthday party at a roller-skating rink and the theme was all Mario Bros. The air-brushed supermarket cake had a rubber model of Mario shooting a fireball from his hand. I probably still have that stashed away in a box of childhood trinkets somewhere. I knew that game inside and out. I remember finally successfully performing the trick where you jump on the turtle shell on the stairs up to a castle end-zone so many times that the game starts giving you extra lives for each jump. I jumped until the timer ran out, the life counter passed 99 and became just symbols. The week following I refused to turn off the Nintendo until all those lives were eventually used up, though my parents were bothered that the red light was always lit and complained that I would “ruin the machine”. Those were the days.

 

Did every kid know this trick?

Did every kid know this trick?

 

When I was 13 or 14 my parents bought our first family PC and I got into Adventure games during the heyday of Full Motion Video. Myst, 7th Guest, Gabriel Knight, Tex Murphy, Phantasmagoria… As a young teen I was able to disappear into completely new worlds and walk around in them, even if it was just a CG rendered slide show. Sierra, Broderbund, Cyan, Trilobyte; all names that held magic to me for they were the builders of these worlds. I knew the names of Jane Jensen and Roberta Williams, female pioneers of digital storytelling.

I played these games. I completed these games. Usually there were no walkthroughs to be had until Prima Publishing started putting out books you could buy - and I did. Perhaps that was the beginning of becoming a terrible gamer.

 

Gabriel Knight - Sins of the Fathers

Gabriel Knight - Sins of the Fathers


There were early signs that I was really not that talented at playing games. I couldn’t get through a few levels of Rebel Assault without exploding on the canyon walls over and over again. I did eventually see the level where you perform fly-bys on Star Destroyers while shooting at them, but I never could pass it. Rumour had it that in later levels you could fly across Hoth and shoot at ATAT Walkers, but I never saw that for myself.

 

Secret revealed! 

Secret revealed!

 

Eventually I got into MMOs with a friend, and finally the other shoe dropped.

For me, it started with WoW, but eventually I got into Guild Wars 2, SWTOR, and The Secret World, and I dipped my toes into others like Wildstar, Elder Scrolls Online, FFXIV, and Tera. I loved them. They were everything I wanted to play in a game. New worlds. Flexible playing styles. Huge open maps. Seemingly unlimited potential… Until a random player from an opposing faction came along and gutted me like a fish. Well then. Clearly I was on the wrong server. Live and learn. But it was more than that - I struggled in these games mightily, and not in a way that excited me. I always felt behind the level curve, under-powered and over-matched. In some cases I could barely proceed without my friend practically carrying my useless carcass through to the end of a story instance. It was just a frustrating experience for everyone.

Part of my problem is that I hate to grind. As an adult (shudder) I now have a professional job. One that I am dedicated to. I pay rent and taxes. I work to live - as much as I am loathe to admit it. Who has time to GRIND??? Well apparently lots of people do, but not me. If I’m playing a game and progressing through its quest chains and geography, I have some expectation that my level will increase in sufficient time to reach the next area with appropriate power to kill the next tier of enemy. This is rarely the case. Game designers seem hell bent on keeping players behind the curve so they have to do extra killing or crafting or other menial tasks just to boost their level to reach the next area. If you don’t you’ll get your ass kicked. I got my ass kicked a lot.

Can we talk horror games? I love horror. It’s quite possibly my favourite genre in film and literature. For me, the best parts about the horror genre are atmosphere and world building. I love a decrepit, derelict building like none other. I love the sounds of horror, the look of horror, and as we get ever nearer my favourite season of Autumn, I love the smells of horror. Turns out what I don’t like are jump scares, and that seems to be what the horror genre in games has in spades. I simply can’t do it. For example I want to love Five Nights at Freddy’s. I love the idea of it, certainly. I love the look of it and the design of the creepy animatronic robots. I love the lore - which I’m happy to watch endless YouTube videos about (shout out to The Game Theorists’ excellent series which you can find on their channel, here: https://www.youtube.com/user/MatthewPatrick13). But I don’t think I’ve played more than two hours of the first game so far, because I just can’t deal with the jump-scares. Even when they are earned, they feel cheap. But worse is that they work on me. Yes, I jumped, you nearly gave me a heart attack by blasting loud sound and having something leap towards the screen.  Good job, you win, I’m out.
 

BOO...again. 

BOO...again.

 

As I grow older my fingers will never be coordinated or dexterous enough to win at a MOBA, or score enough kills in a competitive shooter. A million teabaggings will forever be performed over my digital corpse by children who have fucked my mother.  Sorry mom.

Do you know what? I’m okay with that. I’m okay with all of this. Gaming may be slowly getting too hard for me, or perhaps I never really had the chops to begin with.  Perhaps reading Prima strategy guides spoiled my patience to slowly work through a game, or life has taken my time and will to do so. But the one thing you cannot take away from me is my love of games. If you’ve gotten anything out of reading my recollections above, I hope you noticed that my fondness for games is still ever present. My trigger timing will slow. My aim will get worse. And I’ll still always hate to grind. But I’m still a gamer, dammit, and I have some more games I need to play.

By Rob Fernuk

DERAILING THE HYPE TRAIN

IGN First Look has been periodically posting delicious gameplay nuggets of the hotly anticipated No Man’s Sky, and while many have been wary to embrace the excitement for a procedurally generated, galaxy-scale open world exploration game (by the makers of cute little stuntman series Joe Danger), these gameplay trailers remove most doubts. At one point during the demo, the playtester lands his ship on a planet’s surface, but falls a few feet as he gets out. He turns around to see the ship has awkwardly landed directly on top of a small structure. Laughing awkwardly, game director Sean Murray says “That’s never happened before.”

 

Unexpected possibilities? Hype confirmed.

The hype cycle. I built my house on that nice-looking mountain to the left.

The hype cycle. I built my house on that nice-looking mountain to the left.

 

Due to their addictive nature and the growing magnitude and reach of the industry, video game releases are characterized by massive fan-hype, even more-so than in film. Gamers always look forward with great excitement to the next big thing. In some cases, gamers can be as responsible for a given hype wagon as the developers are guilty of embellishing the product. And publishers fuel that excitement with unfulfilled promises -- Aliens: Colonial Marines is a recent example. Touted features turn out to be pedantic, flawed, or simply absent. I think people have been disappointed by hype enough times that they must always question the implications of the so-called “gameplay trailer”, which more often than not are simply cinematic sequences shot to look as if they were taking place from the player’s point of view. We've essentially been trained to activate our 'bullshit detector' and question any hint of excitement for a very real possibility of betrayal. Due to the immersion and interactivity; videogames are experienced using a whole gamut of devices, the hype-cycle is fundamentally different from other forms of media. Reading a preview chapter of the next book in a series could never really be called hype, because it tends to be a literal, direct sample of the upcoming product. Movie trailers are cherry-picked, concentrated doses of the film to convey the attitude, actors, and themes to look forward to in the upcoming film. They can exaggerate or downplay parts of the full-length feature and even downright spoil the plot - but as a general rule a trailer shows us what we will eventually see.

 

Game-hype seems to be completely different. In this modern age of early access, public beta, season passes, and DLC, game trailers usually depict something only vaguely related to what ultimately ships. But gamers are beginning to catch on. A prime example, as most of us know, was the reveal trailer of Watchdogs all those years ago at E3. More disappointing than the graphical comparisons were the minute details that made the game seemingly next-gen. Ducking behind a car door and opening it to let out the innocent bystander caught in a crossfire was a fantastic idea. There was even an audible "get out, stay low"  heard by the games 'protagonist.' Car tires popped and other civilians would help each other out of wrecked cars asking "are you ok? are you hurt...talk to me!?" When the game was released our expectations were erased completely. A new lesson began permeating, finally, into our conscious minds. 'Don't get excited for anything anymore...become an adult, get cynical about anything promised by any entertainment company. This is the way of things, I understand what it is to be an adult now." This was the beginning of Evadegismos ban on all pre-sale activities and the epitaph of our personal hype train.

 

A lie could also be disguised as a lush cinematic, the worst offender being the first Dead Island game. The trailer is in itself, such a work of art, so emotionally compelling, so inspired, that the run-of-the-mill zombie slaughterfest that ensued in the game itself seemed much, much worse by contrast. I think when games marketing takes its cues from other media, namely film, it tends to flop. What you are hyping when you’re selling a movie is drama and spectacle and quips and climactic moments. I don’t think these aesthetics are at the forefront of most gameplay experience. Of course narrative is important in any form of storytelling but game trailers should focus on the user interface, the gameplay mechanics, customization options, and character designs. Story-driven games should be held up more fully by the product itself than by all the window-dressings that are fluffed up on top to make it sale-able.

What's the image matter if the taste is the same !?

What's the image matter if the taste is the same !?

 

Anyway, so far in its pre-existent… existence, No Man’s Sky has graduated from hype for the idea, to hype for the real, hands-on gameplay. While this holds promise, it has raised my expectations high enough that I stand to be enormously disappointed. I want this game to push the boundaries of what games can be. I want  it to redefine the concept of a shared, open world. If nothing else, this particular thread of hype has shown me what it is that I went in new and exciting video games. Perhaps hype can be used as a metric of gamer values.


Elsewhere on Evadegismos current hype list sits The Division, in the conceptual vein of Last of Us but with a greater emphasis on tactics than resource management. Early gameplay demos look a little too polished, with their sexy-sparse interface and incredible environment details, like intractable car doors, poppable car tires (yet again), and dynamic weather patterns. But one thing that Division’s hype campaign shares with No Man’s Sky is a certain emphasis on the development process. As first world culture gradually gravitates towards a preferences for artisanal, handcrafted quality in food, clothing, and decor, we become connoisseurs not only of fine products, but of production processes. We like to brag about where things come from and how they’re made, and this sensitivity seems to have reached the gaming industry as well. Sean Murray describes his perception of gameplay footage -- he sees the procedurally generated terrain for what it really is: a sprawling math equation. Meanwhile the second chunk of the Division trailer boasts the power of their custom-designed Snowdrop engine, and the loose corporate structure of the production company.

 

Games nowadays are made by people. Sometimes just a handful of exceptionally talented ones; they’re crafted. Maybe this new emphasis on design could prevent future hype trains from crashing so gruesomely. Despite a history of disappointment there is a faint hope always purring away in our imaginations. We all want to buy a train ticket heading for paradise with all of our friends on board, hopefully we get there in one piece.

VR-CADES

Prediction: VR-cades will be a thing in the coming years. Arcades as we know and love them have all but gone to the rapture, replaced by stale internet cafes or one dollar pizza places. An Arcade game should be so lucky, to find a loving home this day in age is rare, like finding a baby unicorn. Whether your PC's are ready for it or not, the VR train is steadily approaching. This coming fall the HTC Vive will be first out the gate and available publicly. But this wouldn't be the first time for a virtual reality peripheral. History tends to repeat itself. 

Way back when arcades were nefarious dungeons and the old Chinese guy at the quarter counter cut you short and there was a 9 kid line to play Mortal Kombat, VR was born. You probably don't remember it, because a human brain can only take so much nonsense before detouring shitty memories of empty promises. Enter 'Virtuality'. Introduced in the early 90's (and showcased in some theaters showing Terminator 2 in America) this 'VR' console attempted to capture the hearts of gamers. It didn't, the marketing was all flash, the games looked terrible and they made people sick. But hey, the user looked kind of cool ( for the 90's) wearing the gear. And that was the hook; games were shit but you got to sit in a 'vr pod' and wear a heavy, sweaty helmet for 3 min. Yes 3 min, Virtuality charged $5 bucks and let you play 3 miniutes. Which, in the early 90's was enough cash to get a six pack and crush it in the alley. This was a huge fail for any company trying to make a buck off a lie and when consumers began sharing there experiences amongst themselves Virtuality flopped, hard. Unfortunately, the technology at the time wasn't anywhere close to realizing the potential of our creativity. Until this Fall

 

In a year or two what will be happening will be a resurgence of the Arcade and Virtual Reality proper. VR is a different beast completely. Watching videos and trailers simply doesn't achieve the immersion level you keep hearing about from users these days. The only way to understand it is to experience it in person. It deffinately wont be for everyone so why would anyone throw $500 at something they might not even like? The HTC Vive uses a peripheral called 'Lighthouse'(the boxes on the right.) Essentially they are placed in a room and they map the space your physically standing in into the  virtual environment your experiencing. So your going to need a dedicated room for this already. Online the suggested size for the lighthouse tracking system is a 15x15 ft space. The headset itself will require no less than 3 separate inputs into a CPU: power, USB  and HDMI. The intelligent thing to do would be to have a tether on the ceiling with a swivel for these cables. If a company wants to injure their users then they should cause them to be blind and create tripping hazards, so when they throw up from nausea it'll be while tripping over said cables and falling against a wall; landing on an otherwise perfectly good and functioning computer. Childproofing resurgence is another prediction not suited for this particular article, but you heard it here first. Safety is going to be an issue here.

Problems are emerging rapidly.

HTC Vive, lighthouse and controllers.

HTC Vive, lighthouse and controllers.

Other very interesting and innovative peripherals are revealing themselves as well, some less recently than others. One of the most utilitarian and predictably ubiquitous being the Virtuix Omni. It's a stationary tread mill you might have seen on "Shark Tank" in 2013. They didn't get the bid. This seems like the most practical and natural extension to the VR experience. Allowing you to physically walk and run through the game environments safely (note the 'safety ring'). It's amazing... and expensive. Not to mention cumbersome. This unit costs $699 dollary-doos and the shipping costs alone will be insane if you don't live in the States. Also you need special shoes for it with plastic soles. You might be able to take them bowling! Were just not sure yet but keep your bowling fingers crossed.

Virtuix Omni

Virtuix Omni

Contrasting the size of the Virtuix Omni perfectly is the 'Gloveone.' A hepatic feedback system attached to gloves that the user wears to experience tactile response in a virtual world. Oh and it's wireless! Hands down (pun intended) the most intriguing and technologically mind-fucking peripheral created so far. At $395 bones for the pair its not going to be a spontaneous purchase for many people. 

So to for full immersion and the complete VR experience were going to need some things. Valve in there wisdom has not yet revealed the price point or points for there HTC Vive headset but lets call it a comfy $500 US.  Then the controllers which who knows if they will be included. Lets say they will. The lazer-emitting lighthouse which may or may not come as a package with the Vive lets call that $150 US. Your going to need a 15x15ft room for the experience which can't really be priced. It would be fair to say none of us have a free room ready for VR dedication. Your certainly going to need the Virtuix Omni for running like a caged rat that's going to be $699. Lastly and not leastly you'll need a great PC if your a console gamer exclusively your going to have to wait another 6 or so months. As of now no big news about console VR peripherals has come. The latest PC specs from 'Road to VR' is suggesting:

  • NVIDIA GTX 970 / AMD 290 equivalent or greater
  • Intel i5-4590 equivalent or greater
  • 8GB+ RAM
  • Compatible HDMI 1.3 video output
  • 2x USB 3.0 ports
  • Windows 7 SP1 or newer

So that's, what? $2000 US. Finally you'll need those badass gloves mentioned earlier for $395. Now your ready, after spending about $3,750 before tax US for the full experience. For now, the Virtual frontier will more than likely happen through a business, hopefully near you.

 

The reality for the gamers at home though will be more modest. A consumer will be told by friends that they have to get a Vive or a Oculus or simply act on there curiosity and buy one for themselves. Most players will be contented to stay at home and add it to there entertainment arsenal forgoing the expensive 'add-ons.' But there's no way to truly understand the experience of full immersion until its been witnessed first hand. Hence the VAR-CADE! Remember that soft neon glow of the neighborhood arcade and now imagine it with rooms instead of video cabinets. Sure you might see 'quarter man' Jonny with a new job; dedicated to mopping up jizz off the 'porn room' floor or blood off the walls in the 'fighter room,' or Yak off the floor in the 'vomit simulator room.' Man this is gonna be exciting! Alternatively you could also be much less adventurous and make an incredibly elaborate long distance phone call (see below) totally your choice.

Keanu knows internet!